Why It Doesn’t Really Matter What You Wear to Temple
The Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are approaching, and, like me, you might be staring at your pre-teen’s closet thinking, “This kid has nothing appropriate to wear.”
I advise you to stop worrying about it.
For 8 years, I worked with Jewish college students, and I heard far too many stories like these: I tried to go to Shabbat dinner, but I got there and noticed all the other guys were wearing yarmulkes and I wasn’t, so I turned around and walked out. I showed up wearing a knee-length skirt and everyone gave me the side eye because I didn’t look “modest” enough. My studio art class ends right before services begin, and I don’t ever have time to go back to my dorm and change into something dressier, so…
Minhag hamakom, the custom of a place, does matter, and I understand that some Jewish institutions carry particular dress codes. But I am a Reform Jew, a feminist, a queer person, a parent, and a rabbi, and when it comes to how anyone “should” dress to observe the High Holy Days, there are values that matter much more to me than what’s “appropriate.” Like presence. Like community. Like inclusion. Like belonging.
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are called Yamim Noraim, The Days of Awe. They are not The Days of Impressing Your Peers, or The Days of Pleasing Your…
